By Omar Abdelghani
The explosive placed on your nightstand next to you, made only to disintegrate and destroy your peace, detonates, emitting its excruciating, ear piercing, seemingly unending buzz. You wake up in a fright, alarmed and ready (not really) to begin your long day.
Just thinking about the number of people you’ll come across gives you anxiety. However, having undergone severe training in the art of ‘how to deal with people’, you’re something of a self-proclaimed virtuoso, prepared to take on even the dullest creatures out there. As such, you must have devised a guide of some sort when it comes to your daily interactions and exchanges. If not, then here is my guide to dealing with every single person you may or may not come across.
Porter
This one is easy. Usually a simple ‘salam aleykom‘ would suffice, however, if you are going for a more friendly and hip approach, then better keep it personal. Anything from, ‘saba7 el 5eir 3am Esam‘ (good morning) to ‘eh a5bar el welad‘ (how are your children) would do just great.
Uber/Careem Captain
Now, here is where it gets a little bit more tricky, as each approach depends on both, your willingness to give and your readiness to accept instigating conversations. Many usually go with what is regarded, in the Uber/Careem culture, as the infamous conceited pose of the aristocracy, which is basically plugging in your earphones for the sake of having a peaceful ride. Others prefer to talk and make conversations with their Captains.
Whether you choose to go with this or that, a mandatory hello is to be expected.
Colleagues
This part is where it all gets confusing, one might even say, too confusing, as you are now dealing with more than one person. So, to conclude this, a quick exchange of hi and hello, and perhaps one or two good mornings shall do the trick. Then, get right into your cubicle/desk/office and start working.
Of course, there will be the mid-day dallies with your trusted few, where you dawdle around whilst you simultaneously fill each other in on the gossip.
Boss
I dared not to name them a colleague, as they could easily find offense, depending on their temperament, in what is surely the correct technical term; still, perhaps they wish not to become familiar with their employees. Fix your outfit and professionalism with the utmost dexterity, and perhaps you will impress them this time. Respond accordingly and get to work.
Uber/Careem Captain 2.0
You have just had a long and exhausting day at work. Perhaps boredom will lead you to converse this time around, perhaps weariness will have you select a more quiet attitude during this car ride. Either way, remember, as long as the earphones are in your momentary possession, fear not, for you could always plug them in.
Porter (round 2)
Again, a brief encounter in which you exchange hellos and get it over with. But, it is usually at this time of utter inconvenience do they find a thousand topics to discuss. Could be anything, anything at all.
Your local kiosk’s attendant
You have both mutually agreed upon not talking. A simple gesture such as a nod is usually enough. Otherwise, you are both longtime friends that end up chatting for over 10 minutes, catching up, as you do every day.
Finally, you made it back home, all in one piece, all intact. You could at this time enjoy yourself a nice meal, and savor each and every moment of well-deserved peace and quiet.
