Now that a number of people know that we got together after he bravely suffered 8 years in the friendzone, I think it is appropriate to do this as a follow-up piece.
I always read a lot about how it is so important for you and your significant other to be best friends. But what if you already were best friends, before getting together? Do the same rules apply? Does that guarantee a better relationship? Here are the three things I learned to watch out for, when dating my best friend.
1. Remember he or she is your best friend, they know you…
It is great to have someone who knows about your first kiss ever, or how much you hate sugar in your coffee. The fact that we can be sitting in a place and one of our friends would say something, and it takes him and me back to the exact same memory never seizes to amaze us both.
This level of mental and emotional intimacy, however, is very tricky to handle, especially when it comes to fights and disagreements.
Indeed, specifically because my significant other was my best friend, we both know how to really get under each other’s skins.
We both possess the power to hit the other where it hurts simply because we know what hurts the other party all to well. If you are dating your best friend, you really need to watch yourself when you fight more than other couples do.
2. Setting expectations is tougher than it is for other couples…
When your someone’s best friend, for example, you can really afford to have it be alright if you do not text back within a reasonable time without either parties getting upset.
When your someone’s best friend, and they cancel on you twice in a row, you guys will likely make a joke about how lazy you both are.
Without realizing it, however, you will come to expect much more of your significant other specifically because he or she is no longer simply your best friend.
Your relationship will change, it needs to. Dating your best friend is not simply saying “I love you” to him or her.
When strangers or acquaintances date it is clear off the bat that the expectations are ones you associated with a romantic partner.
I found, however, that expectations needed to be clearly and especially negotiated when that person is your best friend.
This is because the expectations associated with a romantic partner may not be entirely clear in the ambivalent aftermath of the shift that happened in your relationship with your best friend.
3. The cute things you see in your best friend may become your biggest pet peeve…
When you are someone’s best friend, for example, you guys will likely find it hilarious that one of you is extremely talkative and fiery, whilst the other one is really cool and silent.
The problem, however, is the fact that those things you used to joke about as best friends, may become pet peeves or genuine sources for disagreement when you guys get together.
The fact that the relationship took a romantic turn, simply means that you are more often and more likely going to interact with every single aspect of that person.
Additionally, you are going to do so in a manner that is much more proximate, intimate, and direct. The aforementioned cool silence of one partner, for example, may be seen as indifference in the heat of a lover’s quarrel.
The constant and incessant need for fiery conversations of the other partner may do more harm when it is met with this cool silence. To put it clearly: Neither the cool silence nor the need for fiery conversations are cute anymore in the eyes of the receiving party.
Again, I find here that open and honest conversations -perhaps more open and honest than other couples- is the only way to resolve these kinds of novelties.
