So I recently got married in August, along with half of the Egyptian population, and it was honestly one of the best days of my life. I wanted it to be a representation of myself and my family, so it was a warm and cozy setting, with a few dashes of crazy because that’s what we’re all about! Additionally, if it wasn’t for a friend of mine recommending I checked out sites like https://www.winniecouture.com/stores/wedding-dresses-houston-tx, I don’t think I would have found a dress I love as much as the one I had for the wedding. Everything about the day was just perfect and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.
The vibe was genuine, super fun and laid back. It was a very personal experience, and all our guests got the chance to enter my world, meet my family and celebrate Yassine and my love for each other.
That, to me, is what weddings should be: a genuine celebration of the love and union of two people. In Egypt though, the land of judgment and who did it better, you rarely have those types of weddings. And part of the reason is this list of girls that I’m about to bash in just a second…
So ladies and gentlemen, here are the six girls that you see at every Egyptian wedding:
The Selfie Queen
“Let me take a million pictures of myself all dressed up with fancy wedding decorations behind me. #wedding #fun”
Obviously very fun spending half the wedding taking selfies and the other half on Instagram picking a filter. When you’re done being a self-centered camera whore, go pay attention to the actual bride and groom who are in the middle of, like, the most important day of their lives. If you’re only there to take pictures of yourself for your Instagram fan base, then, well, you have some issues…
The Party Girl
Girl, you are in the wrong place with that outfit, this ain’t no Tamarai, this is a respectable ceremony where two people join together in unity. Meanwhile, you are out here in a mini tight strapless red dress looking like you’re about to do the walk of shame. No. Stay classy, ladies, please.
The Bouquet Freak
This girl will shove, push and wrestle you to the ground in order to catch that bouquet. And if she has a boyfriend, then you better just move out of her way because that bouquet is her only chance of him ever getting the hint that she wants to get married.
My favorite is that awkward moment when the bride gives the bouquet to her best friend and then they all call on the boyfriend to come on stage as well. His facial expression is priceless, like, “This is not what I signed up for…” It gets even better when the whole wedding starts asking him when the wedding will be LOL.
Schizophrenic Bridesmaid
THIS girl is just craycray. She’s like a double personality bipolar type – half macho bodyguard I’ll-rip-your-face-off-if-you-come-near-the-bride and half squealing girly best friend stuck to the bride’s ass slaving around all night. It really may be a serious bipolar tendency. I actually get scared of them; it’s like I want to say hi to the bride but her bulldog over here might bite me or something.
On the other hand, if I sit down at my table, she comes over all smiley and hyper to pull me to the dance floor to have more people dancing around the bride, so I don’t know what to think of her. But in all honesty, it is kinda cute to have someone who cares that much, albeit it could be slightly obsessive, so they need to tone it down a bit.
Judgmental Mean Girls
These girls piss me off. You can just see it in their faces, rolling their eyes, giving those judgmental stares at everything from the bride’s dress to the decorations to the food. BITCHES, I would LOVE to see what YOUR wedding would look like, and I’ll be more than glad to judge away – hell, I’ll do it to your face! *calms down* Girls just need to be more considerate towards other girls. Even if it was a shitty wedding, just pretend that it wasn’t!
Think about how much time and effort the couple (mainly the bride) put in to try and make their day perfect for everyone and THINK about your big day and how the last thing you’d want to see is girls like yourselves judging away at everything.
The Girl In White
Oh. No. She. Didn’t. THIS girl is the biggest bitch of all. It’s just the biggest no-no of all time. It’s the bride’s day, the whole world knows that she’ll be wearing white, so are you trying to compete with her? Are you trying to stand out? Or are you just trying to be a pain in the ass?
Because nobody is trying to pay any attention to you and unless you want the bride to be staring daggers at you the whole night, what you need to do before you embarrass yourself any further is take your little behind back home and put on a rainbow colored dress to make up for your poor first choice. The only angelic, virginal girl in white at the wedding should be the bride.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 9 People You Meet At Every Wedding.
