A woman never thinks she’ll give up her career, ego or any part of herself for the sake of her marriage. Young women are frequently under the illusion that marriage will be a walk in the park, candlelight dinners, sharing house chores and total devotion.
Yet, real life slaps us in the face and it takes strength, wisdom and sometimes compromises we never thought we’d make, alas life happens, you fall in love or even decide to start a family and you want to keep it together.
We asked seven Egyptian wives about the most unexpected compromises they had to endure to save their marriages and here’s what they said:
“When we were engaged, I was head over heels for him. I would choose him over anything and anyone. I’ve always been close to my family but unfortunately his house is on the other side of the city which makes it impossible for me to see my mom as much as I want to. We live in a horrible area. We’re completely different than everyone around us. At first I tried to live with it but later it started affecting my kids. I’ve been trying for years to convince my husband to find us another home, but I know he can’t afford it so I compromised and live in an area I’ve never thought I’d end up in”, K.D told us.
“My biggest and most painful compromise has to be giving up my career or at least not giving it my all. I used to be a mean working machine until I had my kid. I always see working moms and I thought it would be a piece of cake, but it is so not. It’s always me who has to pick my kid up from the nursery or take her to practice because apparently my husband’s job is more important as he is the one with the bigger income. It’s frustrating as hell getting a dream job opportunity and not taking it because every chore is on you. I’ve come to terms with it but it saddens me daily”, D.I told us.
“I caught my college boyfriend cheating on me. The next day I caused a scene in front of all our friends just to get back at him. I dumped him and never thought of him again because once a cheater, always a cheater. Last year I found out my husband and the father of my three boys was cheating on me, I pretended I didn’t know because I’m so scared of what it’ll do to the kids as he is their role model. I’ve put them first and It is the biggest challenge I’ve ever had to live with. I can’t look him in the face and I have to share a bed with him”, S.I told us.
“We don’t have a sex life. It’s not bad, It’s just not there. At all. He makes me feel so undesirable as he never approaches me. If I make the first move, he pretends to be tired. I started to think maybe he has an erectile dysfunction disorder, but he used to be fine when we first got married. I suggested seeing a sex therapist, but he keeps accusing me of being dramatic and it is straining our relationship. I’ve talked to my family about leaving him but they keep assuring me all men become boring in bed after a while or their stamina decreases after the first few years of marriage. I’ve been living a sex-free life for the past four years just to avoid a divorce. He is also a very good person”, L.P told us.
“My husband is very indecisive in his career. The last thing I expected was having to tolerate a new job every couple of months. He just can’t seem to make up his mind and in the meanwhile, I have to pick up the pieces and support the house financially by myself. I was naively deceived by the fact that he comes from a well off background. I thought we’ll always have financial support but I was so wrong. His insecurities and passiveness make me feel like I have to be the man of the relationship. I thought about letting him suffer from the consequences and wash my hands clean of his career drama, but then I know the marriage will come to an end”, M.Y told us
“I’m his second wife. The first marriage fell apart because of his relationship with his controlling mother. I was getting old and he was a good guy. I thought me being in my late 30s would give me the wisdom to deal with his mom. Yet, lately, she’s become psychotically controlling, interfering and a liar. We moved to Qatar for his job, which was perfect, until he said his mom can’t be left alone in Cairo until his sister is back from the States to take care of her. It’s been seven months since she moved in with us, I’m living in hell, but I’m compromising so he can see she is the mad one and also so he doesn’t leave me alone with the kids because I know I will never be able to support them”, I.P told us.
“My husband and my sister have a horrible relationship. It really has affected my relationship with both of them. I love them both dearly, and I can’t take sides but of course, I have to live with not being around my family as much as before. I don’t want to lose either of them, but sometimes I literally panic at getting divorced that I end up calling my sister only when I am alone, even though he never asks me to stop talking to her. If I ever have to go through something like this, I’ve considered getting in touch with a professional similar to a Divorce Lawyer Chicago, so I have someone on my side during a time like this. It can be a lot for anyone to have to go through, but no one should have to do it alone. I’m just trying to avoid a storm of emotions. It goes without saying all Eid and 3ozomat gatherings are not like before”, G.G told us.
WE SAID THIS: How much would you compromise to keep the marriage together? When does compromise become a bad decision? Tell us what you think!
