There is nothing more euphoric than meeting a boy, flirting, then falling head over heals. A year later, you are lucky if you are not bored, fighting over the stupidest things and constantly feeling like you couldn’t care less if you got dumped, only to cry a river when he gives you the stupidest excuse for a breakup.
In an attempt to show all women how ridiculous men’s excuses are and how time has proven that all of them are easily forgotten, here are the six most ridiculous dumping excuses I’ve heard from Egyptian boys.
My cheater ex
My first love and sadly the first cheater I fell for. I was 19, he was a foreigner and claimed to be 22 and it was the cutest puppy love ever. He left the country and we only met during summer vacations. Two years later, he said he was tired of the long-distance relationship. I remember how I almost died and would have said anything to convince him to stay, only to find out from his best friend that he lied about his age — he was actually 29 and married with a kid since day one. In my defense, he looked really young… and hot.
My artistic ex
My college bae, the hipster who sat at the back of the lecture hall, the quiet guy with stunning hair and my forever favorite ex-boyfriend. It was the quick and deep kind of love, and just as fast as it happened, it ended. After a year of convincing ourselves we were different and misunderstood by the whole world, going into full emo mode, he suddenly turned cold.
“I’m not feeling it anymore. You don’t get me.” Yes, he turned all hipster on my a**. Thankfully, he told everyone that he was young and needed a little somethin’ somethin’ and I wasn’t giving him any. To say it was the shock of the century would be putting it mildly. Note to women: Never do anything you are not comfortable with, if that’s what’s going to make him stay.
My medical ex
My experience with doctors was Khan2 we bas. Mr. Right thought the world of himself and preached about everything that didn’t matter in this world. He hated my friends and made sure to tell me regularly that he didn’t know how he felt about me. Why the hell did we date? I have no idea.
He said, “I feel something, but I don’t know what it is” so I dumped the pretentious prick. He begged and I took him back, thinking I would give it another try. He dumped me a week later for not knowing how he felt. His ego couldn’t take it. Good riddance!
My overweight ex
I’ll be very honest about this particular ex. I’m an average-sized girl and it took me a while to get over his weight issue. I thought he was an amazing guy so I got over my shallow side and dated him. The last thing I expected was him being psycho and making fun of MY figure everywhere we went. I thought, “M3lesh, he is insecure because of his weight,” but the constant criticism turned from “m3lesh” to “what the f**k”.
He ended it for not being physically attracted to me because I have a flat upper body and he’s a boob man. As I said, psycho.
My momma’s boy ex
We were ridiculously in love and got engaged, but his mom convinced him we would get divorced because we don’t fit. His relationship with his mom was very rocky, but apparently she was able to brainwash him. I cried for a whole year, but eventually I got over it. Breakups suck!
My looking-for-trouble ex
After the non-stop failures with all my exes, I decided to be the social butterfly every man dreams of — to hell with it, I said, I’ll just enjoy my time and go with the flow. Get this: Men don’t like it when you are too flexible. He said that I was okay with whichever restaurant he picks and whenever he wants to meet and it bored him. He wanted to fight and have intense conversations. Gatko elghamm.
Moral of the story: You will hear the weirdest excuses to end your relationship and it will feel like your world just got crushed, but rest assured that one day you will move on and laugh about the fools. The sooner you realize that nothing is wrong with you and they are just not that into you, which is fine and doesn’t mean you are flawed, you will never cry over a boy again. Time heals all.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 6 Things All Egyptian Girls’ Exes Have in Common.
