Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally made for: looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Being single is bad as it is, but being single with an ex is a whole different story. As people meet each other, love each other, then hate each other, and walk around dragging the weight of a love story that turned into a complete failure, they never entirely get over the mess of the post-breakup period.
With Egypt’s tight social circles, multiple girls often share the same ex. But who knew that by some bizarre twist of fate, Egyptian girls would have exes with common traits?
So here’s a list of what you, your friends, me and my friends have in common in exes:
1. He’s always the despicable, heartless and senseless villain
You’re the victim, deary, yes you are. Don’t believe what your best friend tells you, it was totally okay to run over his brand new phone with your car. No one keeps you on hold for more than five minutes!
2. He’s not even that handsome
When you’re in love, the “El Erd f 3een ommo ghazal” saying is totally applicable to you, honey. It’s only when you leave him that you get hotter, and he gets as less hot as he could get.
3. You made him the man he is now
He dressed like fashionistas, sounded like a Fiat 128 while eating, made you fake laugh at his jokes so much you were thisclose to forget what your real laugh sounded like. And, of course, all of that didn’t change until you met him.
4. He always pretended to be a Ladies Man, when in fact he couldn’t have even been a Men’s Man if he tried
“I wonder if Andrew Miller knew all along you were coming, and got inspired by you to write Casanova!”
If you ever told that line to your ex, we did too, no biggie. And yes, we know this was the most ridiculous joke you ever fooled someone with.
5. His new woman is NOT hotter than you
So he has a new girlfriend? She’ll never be as half as beautiful as you are. She’s a blended version of Maya Diab, Kenda Allouch and Mai Ezzeldein? Yeah, like I said, she’ll never have the same carefree spirit as you.
6. You were too good for him
“My mother always told me to laugh at my mistakes, so pardon me if I laugh in your face.”
Text him this line because your mom is right, he was never worthy of your love. And yes, listen to her on this: He truly “Khad el sharr w ra7”.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 15 Pros of Being Egyptian and Single.
