These are truly soul-sucking times we live in. So to boost our spirits, we took a poll around the office and came up with this list of our most favorite things ever about our city – Cairo! We know we missed a few, so leave yours in the comments.
1. Traffic, duh
Well, it’s actually called trafuck when you live in Egypt. You know when you travel abroad and find yourself doing a million things a day? Unfortunately, here in Egypt if you get two things done on your list, you’re lucky.
Spending four hours a day staring at a Nissan pickup’s ass is just torture. The only thing that keeps me sane behind the wheel is thinking to myself, “Thank God I don’t live in China. Thank God I don’t live in China. Thank God I don’t live in China.” They have traffic that sometimes lasts up to 12 days! Try to remember this silver lining when your vision starts to get blurry from road rage.
2. “Egyptian Time” – hahanotfunny
You get to the cafe at 3pm but wait till 5pm for your friend to arrive. Why? Egyptians, that’s why! When you’re dealing with Egyptians, there’s nothing called punctual – that word doesn’t even exist in our dictionary.
Meeting a long lost friend? Have a crucial doctor’s appointment? Going to an interview that has make it or break it consequences for your future? TYT.
3. Mo3aksa, or people who need to get a life
They call, you apologize but they’ve got the wrong number.
You think for a second that that’s the end of it, but then you realize you’re dealing with an Egyptian male.
They proceed to ring literally 100 times a minute. The fact that they think they can actually hook up over the phone says nothing about them except that they’re an idiot.
Having to press the silent button over and over again is annoying but what’s more irritating is being in your car about to meet some friends, and because of that bored douchebag, your phone just died!
4. No parking
Not only are you angry because your phone died, but when you finally arrive, there’s nowhere to park. Great.
So you drive around in circles like a drunk person looking for a spot, and then there he is!
Sayes, who acts like he owns the street. But at this point, to be perfectly honest, he does.
5. Sexual Harassment
Then on your 30-second walk from your car to the the cafe you manage to get verbally assaulted by no less than 10 lowlifes who have nothing better to do than shout obscenities your way.
6. Small Social Circles
You get to wherever you’re going – the same place you usually go, of course – and find the same faces having the same conversations… just like yesterday and just like tomorrow. Surprise, you’re living your own sad version of Alf Mabrouk.
7. Everrrrrybody and their teta is now an expert on politics
And guess what the topic of conversation is? So you spent two hours in Itahedeya chilling with your friends because there was nowhere else to go on a Friday. That doesn’t mean you understand the country’s complex political landscape and it definitely doesn’t give you the right to shove your blatantly uninformed opinions down my throat.
8. Minimum Charge
Why the hell should you have to pay 150LE and you only had a shisha and a coke? Why?
You already have to put petrol in your car because the traffic ate it all up on your way here. And now you regret going out for a shisha and a coke.
9. The Curfew
Oops, gotta run! Time to say bye to those same faces (you’ll finish your conversation about R4BIA tomorrow), deal with the sayes and hate-yell your way through traffic because Baba Sisi wants you home before midnight.
