The word infidelity is frequently related in our minds to men. It is expected and sometimes forgivable as we convince ourselves that it is the norm for most of the male gender. In Arab societies, it is usually baffling when we hear of a woman who had the audacity to cheat. We never consider that women might boldly do it for the same reasons as men.
There are so many different takes on the triggering factors of infidelity based on who you are asking, friends and most women would usually link it to an emotional need, psychologists would relate it to both emotional and physical needs yet less of the latter, and if you are a Darwinian, scientists would tell you adultery has evolutionary roots.
As much as men are equipped to spread their seed, women would also sleep around while collecting food to secure a mate in case her current mate dies or even guarantee a genetic variety in her lineage. This however doesn’t mean that it is never about sex, but usually they have additional motives in mind.
So we decided to talk to women for a better understanding why they risked a permanent scarlet letter tattooed on their foreheads:
Getting married for all the wrong reasons
“My parents convinced me that I was too old and my chances of finding love were none, so I married a decent guy I met through family friends. I thought I needed to grow up and stop dreaming. I chose security and having kids over love. Around three years later, the lack of love was numbing me, then I met someone online; it only started as flirting, sharing photos and laughs then we met a couple of times. It escalated and wasn’t just words anymore, it became real, so I freaked out and we never talked again. I’m still unhappily married”- N.H told us.
Selfishness
“Men have always loved me. I am a flirt by nature and have a charming personality. I know I look good or so I have been told. A single guy just never feels enough. I know women hate hearing me saying what I am sure they are all thinking, but I like the attention. I crave it and whenever I am in a relationship, after a while, the boyfriend gets too comfortable and I miss feeling sexy and beautiful so I flirt, fishing for compliments, it never gets physical, but I know words could be just as damaging.” – D.I told us.
Revenge
“I think I have always been the perfect wife and mother. I gave up my career, my religion and every single one of my friends to be with him. We fought the world for years, after we had our first child, something felt wrong, but I never expected infidelity until my mom called to tell me she saw him in a hotel lobby with a woman half his age. I had a kid and was afraid to face him so a couple of weeks later, I started an affair to tolerate seeing him daily without killing each other.” – J.I told us
It just happened (I fell in love)
“It wasn’t planned, I loved my fiancee and we had been together for 7 years. His best friend has always been nice to me and I never gave it too much thought. I never imagined I would cheat, but we started bonding and I thought I was in love. He was successful, stunning and every girl lusted over him and he showed me attention. I liked it. We went behind my fiancee’s back for a while, then when I was sure about my feelings, we talked to him, I broke his heart, the guilt ruined my new relationship and I lost both of them.” – S.D told us.
Physical needs
“I was never satisfied sexually with my husband, I have always been too embarrassed to ask for something different or more. I was taught that I would make him feel less of a man if I had concerns, it was 3eeb so I started getting what I needed from my ex-boyfriend. He knows my body.” – A.A told us.
Adrenaline rush
“I hated myself for years for going behind my partners back, but I love excitement of the taboo.” – K.L told us.
Compensating for a flawed partner (Emotional needs)
“I was stuck in a negative marriage with a negative husband who did nothing all day. He never helped around the house or with the kids; he never stood up for me around his family. They have always been verbally abusive. I have never felt more alone and better off. My best friend has always been there for me, supporting and loving me and gave me everything I needed and more. I am going through a divorce right now and I plan on marrying the man who made me know my worth. I know people condemn infidelity, but an affair is what encouraged me to walk away from the worst thing that has ever happened to me.” – B.F told us
We said this: No matter what the reasons are, adultery, unlike falling in love, is a choice you consciously make. Think wisely before you ruin someone’s life.
