We live in an exceedingly fast-paced world, but that doesn’t mean we have to abandon all the niceties of polite behavior that grandma believed in. Our manners model our expectations – when we’re rude, we usually get rudeness in return. In that moment, we’ve taught the person we’re dealing with that it’s okay for him or her to speak or act disrespectfully to us too, and vice versa when we set the precedent of using good manners and etiquette.
Here’s a few of those that will never be out of fashion, and can use some emphasizing:
Knowing patience is a virtue
Think about that entitled guy driving behind you on the road who suddenly goes faster and squeezes you as soon as you signal you want to change lanes or take a U-turn, because apparently everyone thinks their time is a lot more important than everyone else’s. Supercharging the atmosphere with that much negative energy doesn’t do anyone any good or have anything get done any faster, quite the contrary. As the saying goes, patience is the key to relief.
Being considerate
Moving back to allow someone to enter a circle when there’s a group of people talking. Noticing when someone needs a hand and helping them, or allowing someone who seems a lot more tired or older than you to have your seat. Not treating waiters or simple service providers like they’re lesser human beings. Being kind and respectful to each other helps us feel connected and builds our confidence.
Fighting fair
One of our biggest problems these days is that fighting fair is almost nonexistent. Nobody wants to listen to the other side, and we mostly act like spoiled children having tantrums. There’s a big difference between a “good argument” and a “bad argument,” logical fallacies aren’t urban myths, and there really is no need to turn the volume up. Knowing how to articulate your feelings without yelling or calling names or being mean, hearing out the other person’s perspective, and not wreaking havoc if they don’t agree with you is an absolutely timeless thing to learn.
Not fishing for recognition
There’s little else that’s more infuriating than people who do good things for the sole purpose of bragging about them. It’s great that they did a good deed, and hopefully made someone’s day easier, but there’s really no need for that smug sense of selflessness. There’s the person who’ll give a warm meal to a homeless person, take a selfie while doing it, and go home tell everyone they know. Then there’s the person who’ll give a warm meal to a homeless person and never tell a soul, because to them it isn’t about the attention, it’s only about helping someone else. The latter surely has more class.
Looking people in the eye
Whether you’re out for dinner with friends or family, or chatting in person with anyone really, look at the person who’s speaking with you. We miss a lot of meaning when we’re not making eye contact. Whether intended or not, staring at your phone also says, “You’re not as important or interesting as my phone right now.” So tuck it away for the length of your meeting and enjoy a real, quality conversation.
Being a good host, and a good guest
The lost art of hospitality and gracefulness. Knowing how to make guests feel welcome, comfortable and relaxed when invited to your home has always been promoted through the ages, and within all religions too. Regularly sharing visits encourages unity, harmony, intimacy and creates lasting relationships. So when you have people over, make sure your place is straightened up, extend a warm welcome when they’re there, give them a little tour and encourage them to feel at home. And when you’re visiting someone, it’s always nice to bring them a little house gift or something you can eat together, be “light”, and remember to go in blind, and leave as a mute.
WE SAID THIS: DON’T EVER FORGET THEM!
