Toxic masculinity has been our modern society’s nightmare ever since we woke up and realized this can no longer go on the way it has.
It hurts everyone, from those who embrace it so tightly and won’t let go, to those who are victimized by its damaging repercussions.
But toxic masculinity didn’t just pop out of existence from nowhere. It has a shameful source. Part of it stems from the social privilege given to men for merely being men, and part of it comes from parents who raise their “men” to be toxic.
Parts of society are consistently trying to dismantle the gender privilege of men by introducing new values of equality, and rejecting toxic masculinity in all its forms. We can see this obviously with the modern feminist movements as they call for equality, and with the anti-harassment movements as they stand fearlessly against sexual predators, a product of toxic masculinity.
Here we discuss the problem from its deeply entrenched roots. The parents who make some disastrous mistakes in raising their children, producing a typical byproduct of toxic masculinity. Men who abuse their gender privilege or women who allow it to happen, and promote it.
Raising your child in a stiff mold
Raising a child to follow a very stiff mold such as “masculinity” or “femininity” creates a vulnerable creature with a deformed personality. There is no such a thing as masculinity or femininity. These are social molds created by each individual culture, based on its own recognition of the surrounding environment, in order to separate the two genders and place nonexistent dividing lines.
Who decided feelings are feminine and short hair is masculine? One theory suggests it comes from the prehistoric human experience, where men had the privilege of physical strength and used it to keep women under their control. This was either to keep them safe from the outer world’s dangers, or by simply oppressing them using their physical prowess as a privilege. But in the modern world, where physical strength is no longer such a dominating factor, the male privilege no longer makes sense.
Raising your child to follow these outdated molds clash with the real world of today, and create a vulnerable creature who will spread their inner toxins onto the world. Be it a man who can’t keep up these inapplicable “male figure standards,” or a woman who doesn’t feel comfortable in the mold she’s trying to put everyone around her in. Both of these members of society potentially suffer from their feelings of failure, and their inability to be who they are, reflecting a harmful toxic masculinity onto the rest of us.
Raising the boys as superior to their sisters
One of the most common mistakes in our Arab societies and unfortunately, the most toxic one.
Rooting toxic masculinity in households within our societies is the source of this disaster. Unfortunately, it produces more toxic masculinity, keeping us rolling in a loop.
This burning desire of Arab parents to have a son in order to continue holding the family name can be very obvious. It reaches the point of destructing the daughter’s self recognition of being loved, accepted and functional members of society. When girls hear over and over again that their parents want a son desperately, it builds an identity crisis inside the growing psychology of these girls.
Then we have the parents that raise their children on the fact that girls should be serving boys. “Go get your brother something to drink.” “Go make your brother lunch.” “It’s okay if your brother yelled at you or even hit you, he’s a man and he is disciplining you.”
These toxic parenting behaviors produce the most toxic kind of men. Those who were raised perfectly to think of women as an inferior being and an object to use, abuse, and throw away.
If his mother and sister’s job was merely to make his life easier simply for being a man, then why wouldn’t each and every woman out there serve the same purpose? Why would women say no to his sexual appeals? He wouldn’t understand, and hence, would simply grab it with no regard to consent which is a fable idea in his intoxicated masculine mind. Does it justify his actions? Absolutely not. This is merely for further understanding on the development of such mindsets.
Mama’s boys
The overprotective moms who do everything for their sons and recruit their daughters, as mentioned before, to serve the male siblings, implement all the toxic ideas of the gender privilege in their sons’ heads.
Women promoting toxic masculinity
The bitterest foe of the women’s revolution are women.
These are the women who fight fiercely against feminism, who raise their sons to take pride of their gender privilege and promote toxic masculinity.
They are the worst producers of toxic masculinity, and the worst enemy for those who fight against it. In this case, when mothers abuse women and belittle them, these toxic behaviors strengthen the idea of toxic masculinity, ingraining it even more into their sons’ minds.
Ridiculing your children’s feelings
Ridiculing the feelings of your children, boys or girls, is very destructive in general. But here, we want to focus on how this affects boys, and how its long term influence damages society.
Combining this mistake with other mistakes mentioned above, creates a man who is afraid to express his feelings, and holds a painful idea that men should not be vulnerable. In addition, they might ridicule women for their vulnerability, and establish a previous idea that women are weak, emotional, and inferior beings.
Comparing your child to others
An unfortunate and common mistake by parents.
This matter floods a man with stress regarding the toxic masculinity standards that are impossible to apply and constantly meet. It requires him to be solid as rock, and detach himself from the vulnerable human being he is. The disappointment that follows suit with these failures leads to anger and frustration. Does this sound familiar? An angry, frustrated man, and unsure of his fragile masculinity? This on its own is toxic masculinity in a nut shell.
Unfortunately, these men may not realize that other men suffer the exact same disappointments and frustrations. They continue to compare themselves to others that they see as “real men,” adding on to the vicious cycle of toxic masculinity.
