It has taken me time to accept the mere fact that the three things contained in this article have happened to me; to people around me, and will probably continue to happen.
Additionally, it has really taken me a while to be able to articulate them, without feeling that doing so would some how make me a horrible person.
So here it is, finally! Regardless of the kind of relationship in question – may it be familial, friendly, or romantic – I have come to learn several things one should never stand for or compromise on, when it comes to relationships. Here are three of them.
When there is a lack of understanding for the fact that life happens…
When I say life happens, I mean that as we grow older, there is likely going to be an expanding and wide-range of circumstances that change in our lives. I personally left my comfortable circle of close friends and studied abroad.
I learned that the friends who stayed with me were truly the ones who were able to adapt to the fact that a seven-hour time difference and thousands of miles of distance will inevitably mean that I can not text back right away, nor that I can be physically be present for every birthday, or funeral.
It really does not even have to be something as severe as distance. It can be as simple as understanding that my best friend may be in proximate distance with me, but she has chosen to do a Master’s degree or focus more on her career or allocate more time towards a serious romantic relationship.
We have to possess a genuine understanding for the fact that life happens to people, like people should understand that life happens to us.
When there is a lack of effort…
While we can not be there all the time, and we can rightfully expect that people ought to possess the flexibility to accept that, when we can be there we should really make it a point to do so.
I found that the friends and family members I lost or grew indifferent towards were the ones who had stopped putting in an effort.
I have of course been guilty of this; there are times I can remember when I stopped putting in effort to the extent that my presence in someone’ s life became like my absence. No one should stand for feeling taken for granted, and no one should take any one for granted.
When the only reason your maintaining the tie is guilt and/or obligation…
Once you feel like the only reason you are interacting with someone is predominately due to some sense of guilt or obligation – a point that is especially true for family members- then it may be time to re-think what your are doing in that relationship.
It can be the fact that the person in question is toxic to your life, but you are staying out of guilt. It can also be as simple as growing up, and realizing that you or the person you are dealing with have become an impossible match.
