The problem with new men who enter our lives is that they do not realize or understand how strong the father-daughter bond really is! It might sound a little creepy, but the perfect image that any girl has in her head is someone just like her daddy!
Why? because he spoils her rotten and makes her feel like she’s his little princess and he’ll go to extreme measures to ensure her happiness… even if those extreme measures means exterminating you!
So when a father makes your life hell (which he definitely will), understand that he has every right to do so! In fact, your girlfriend (his daughter) will secretly enjoy watching him to do this to you.
To every man out there courageous enough to take this step, here are the rules our fathers have established just for you!
1. Don’t date her
Who do you think you are waltzing in like you’re some kind of superstar? I’ll make your life hell and you’ll probably chicken out after the first thing I throw your way. So just don’t. We don’t want to break her heart now, do we?
If you think you’re such a tough cookie, then carry on reading at your own risk.
2. No need for an application, I’ve already done my investigations
By now, I know your entire life story, from the day you were born to your dreams in the future (yes, I have those magical powers of knowing things you don’t even know).
I know where you live, where you hang out, what you do, along with your entire family history! So save the introduction, I’ve done my homework pretty well.
3. Bring her home by 10:30pm in the winter and by 11:00pm in the summer
That’s if I’m in a good mood and let her stay out that late with you in the first place! But yeah, respect my winter curfew and don’t try to be a smart ass and say something like “What difference will this half an hour make?”
Unlike you, I actually worry about her! It gets darker in the winter earlier and so people aren’t out so late… not to mention I don’t trust you enough to take care of her.
Since you’re no prince charming, I won’t let her stay out until 12 am. She is my Cinderella after all, so just do as I say, I know better!
4. No riding in cars together
I’ve watched those movies, I know what happens! You think it’s cute to get her alone and start holding her hand or shut the world out and start having intimate conversations? No, no and no! Over my dead body!
You touch her and I’ll kill you.
5. Take a “mehrem” along with you
If you think you’re actually going to be dating her alone, then refer to rule number one! Either you get yourselves a mehrem or I won’t hesitate to send along her little brother or little sister along (maybe both!).
Actually, that sounds like a wonderful idea, they’re annoying little naggers that will make you hate the day you decided to take MY daughter out in the first place.
6. Be ready to take a drug test at any moment
I don’t trust you and never will, let’s just be clear on that. If I ask for a drug test, it’s because I barely trust you enough sober to trust what little brain you have left being messed up with drugs.
Don’t be surprised if I come in with a lie detector, too (and remember I know every little detail about you anyway, so don’t you dare think you can lie to me!).
7. Stay within our district
If you think you can take her out on a one-day road trip or try to make her fall for you by making it adventurous, think again!
She is not to leave the district (not with you anyway!). And be close enough so that if I change my mind or get one of my uncomfortable hunches, she can be home in just a few minutes.
8. Expect 100 phone calls from me during your date
Call it over-protective, annoying or whatever the hell you want to! But as long as she’s with you, I’ll want to make sure she’s OK every single second. It’s not like I care what you think or if YOU are having a good time anyway.
9. I am NOT your friend
Don’t try to get through to me, it’s not funny, it’s not cool and even if I find you are, I still won’t laugh! So unless you want to be met with some annoying comment that will break that confidence of yours or a mean stare, just remember who I am and address me with “7adretak’. I expect you to respect me at all times.
10. Don’t ever try to compare yourself to me
Just because my daughter fell in love with you, does not give you any right to compare yourself to me. We have our own bond that I don’t expect you to understand. But just because she does things with me, it doesn’t mean you have any right to complain. You’ll never love her as much as I do and the best thing is she knows that!
11. I’m watching you (ALL. THE. TIME.)
The word “stalker” was actually made for Arab fathers, so yeah, I don’t want to hear about what you did today, your scores or your latest job offer, I already know. I’ll be watching, waiting for the tiniest mistake, and once you make it, I’ll slap it right in your face and kick you out!
12. I’ve known her longer. She’s mine.
Don’t be jealous about what we have, it has nothing to do with you. It’s just that she’s my daughter and I’m her daddy. You’ll only understand that when you have a precious little daughter of your own.
So don’t just waltz in expecting to be her number one, because it took me years of hard work, love and pampering to get there.
I will always watch out for her, love her endlessly and I’ll never break her heart. So regardless of whether she’s your girlfriend, your fiancee or your wife, she’ll still always be MY DAUGHTER!
13. She’ll always be my baby princess; treat her well
I’ve been pampering her and making her feel like the princess she deserves to be for all her life. I expect you to do the same. Treat her well, embrace her craziness and learn how to calm her down, soothe her troubles away and make her smile every little chance you get.
I won’t tell you how to do this because you need to learn it yourself, but remember, every time I see her smile you get a bonus point with me.
14. If you hurt her, I’ll break every single bone in your body. Twice. (Remember, I know where you live.)
Nothing is more important to me than my daughter, so if you break her heart or I see so much as a tear drop from those precious eyes of hers, I won’t hesitate to kill you, smash your bones and make sure you regret the day you ever so much as made her smile disappear.
Being a father calls for extra measures to be taken and don’t bother running, because I will find you if it’s the last thing I’ll ever have to do.
WE SAID THIS: You’ll probably need to check out “Psychology of the Arab Dad Decoded” too.
