Ramadan is just around the corner and as much as I am looking forward to it like the next person, I can’t help but dread certain things that just drive us all insane.
1. Rush Hour
Try tackling Cairo rush hour with thousands upon thousands of fasting Egyptians in the street. It’s like a suicide mission and if you get out alive it’s because the doctors resuscitated you!
2. Ramez Gallal
JUST STOP ALREADY! As much as I hate you, I can’t wait to see which actor/actress will kick your ass this season.
3. The endless long lines at all the dessert stores
Try going to Kouidier or Nola before or after fetar to buy all those yummy Ramadan sweets that you need to take to that family gathering. If you get out of there in less than half an hour, I crown you warrior prince/princess.
4. Our grandmas, mothers, aunts, stuffing our faces on the first day of Ramadan
“Have you tried the Hammam, tab have the duck, no no here’s some fillet to go along with all that as well and let’s throw on some rokak and molokheya while we’re at it!”
5. Ramadan tents and their ridiculous minimum charges
What happened to the good old days when you could go out every night and NOT spend 300 LE for a shisha and tea because you’re still too full from your grandma’s cooking to eat?
6. Garlic!
Do we need to explain this one? No one wants to smell that Ramadan garlic breath, it’s already bad enough without it!
7. Ramadan Trends
Don’t go to El Hussien, El Ghoreya and all the other “hip tents” because EVERYONE is going.
Go to Khan El Khalili and the likes to really discover your city and get back a little bit of that real Ramadan essence.
8. Road Rage
Three words: “Allah Ma2eny Sayem“. Hibernate during Ramadan and don’t come face to face with the evil creatures that are behind those steering wheels.
9. A lot of water at Sehour
As much as this is a psychological matter, drinking a lot of water before sunrise will only make you pee like a race horse in the morning, not quench your thirst throughout the day.
10. Sayem walla zay kol Sana
I swear if one more person asks if I’m “fasting or not, like every year”, I’ll smack them. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
WE SAID THIS: Basically, as excited I am for some discipline again in my life and getting back in touch with my spiritual side, it may be best that we hibernate for the month!
