Needless to say, funerals are no laughing matter. They are solemn events for loved ones to mourn and should be respected as such.
Yet, some people obviously just don’t get it…
The Fakers
These are those people sitting by the relatives’ sides pretending to be extremely distraught by the death when in actuality they hardly know the deceased. Are those eye drops or real tears, honey?
The Texters
The ones who can’t sit still and listen to Quran for five whole minutes. These people can be close or distant to the deceased, and are sometimes deeply affected by the death, but they just cannot abide by funeral etiquette.
The Socializers
The long lost friends, the high school girls, or the talkative old women and men. These individuals probably don’t even know the deceased but are here to do their wageb. Not so respectful now that your voice is louder than the Sheikh himself, are you?
The Awkwards
The people who come into the funeral, say hello to the entirety of everyone inside, and you’re left going like… who are you again?
The Divas
The women who waltz into the funeral with black heels, full makeup and newly done hair. We understand you don’t want your grieving to show on you physically… but what on Earth?
The Mothers
The moms who bring their small children with them to the funerals. Maybe you couldn’t find someone to watch over the children, but the constant running, yelling, crying and giggling is a bit distracting, to be honest.
The Smokers
The men/women who literally sit inside the funeral for a fifteen-minute maximum, then run outside to chain smoke. Okay, it’s not so fun inside, but really?
The Sippers
The big kersh’d old man who’s downing Turkish coffee at a speed of 120 kph… ’nuff said.
The Gossipers
Different than the Socializers, these people have their eyes glued to the entrance and are analyzing each person entering from head to toe. If God isn’t judging you, they are!
And finally, The Bored…
Probably what you are in each funeral of a distant individual. Sitting, staring at the wall, fiddling with your fingers, anything to prevent you from becoming one of the above occupations.
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